Saturday, December 31, 2011

Secret anniversaries of the heart

You cant reason with why certain things get catalogued irrevocably in your brain while others get no place. At least I, have no clue to this apparant madness. I am quiet frustrated because it is so. I'd like to remember certain things in copius details.. such as my own wedding. What has stuck around though is just a general idea of what had happened; largely reconstructed in current memory from photographs, videos and other recordings. And some odd little whimsical bits that's not significant. I bet this is true for many people. But dutifully, we all do anniversaries.

Somehow I feel these named days for rememberance are phony. We make ourselves rise to the ocassion and jubiliate when in all honesty its like any other day. Its hard to avoid being ritualistic about these things I guess. Hard to be truly spontaneous. Hard to make others align to the whims of your heart. So that its just easier to say, OK, husband and wife, kiss each other on new years eve, or valentine's day, or on your wedding anniversary or whatever.. so that the commitment between you is reaffirmed. Reaffirmed at regular, predictable, boring intervals. And dont complain afterward.

And then there are those things.. those sweet nothings that we remember from time to time, without intent. A stranger with smiling eyes that you haven't forgotten. A meal you can still taste if you closed your eyes. The feel from that one time in the rain holding hands with your sweetheart. Those remain with you and are remembered, truly, for ever after. Not with dates, not forcibly recreated for celebrations... just there with you, your memories, that choose random moments to come and overwhelm you with emotion.