Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Fever

Can you cure me?

I will try to define my symptoms for you as best as I can. I suffer from an obsessive restlessness. The best I can call it is brain fever.

Every once in a while I feel like I am drowning, totally and completely into a sea of depression. I hang in there by a thin thread. I feel tearful all the time. Life seems like an unbearable burden. Things I enjoy lose their appeal. Its a painful struggle. I stare into darkness as I lie on my bed and feel the tension swirling in the pit of my stomach. I want to run away, only, there's nowhere to go. I do my chores, try to get by, all the time with a lump tightening my throat. Every moment that I try to concentrate, I cant, I get distracted. I try coffee for composure, but it just does not work.

And then, swiftly, the fever changes its character, like the wind.

Now, its a kind of elation, a release. Disproportionate with ordinary happinesses. Suddenly I feel all warm and glowing inside. My heart swells up with the desire to love. I see some stranger and my lips curl into a smile. Someone's sparkling eyes touch me and infuse me with promise. I feel braced. My heart races with the spicy autumn breeze. I bask in the orange glow of the sun. I can feel myself brimming with Potential. Its heady... this conviction. Conviction in my own infinite capacity to achieve, to create, to love, and ultimately to revel in the ecstasy of my being.

My mind wears me out.. I can feel the insanity in my blood.

Followers