Saturday, May 22, 2010

Take my hand: Waylaid

Continued from
Take my hand: Anish

The other week night, I was working late. I called Anish at 7:00 and told him I'll be late. Around 9:00 he says he tried calling me to check how much later. My cell phone was in the silent mode. My desk phone had shifted off the hook somehow. He could not reach me.. deciding to wait some more, he dozed off. About 2:00 am, he woke up to realize I am not home yet, haven't called. I was still not answering either of my phones... he called Giri. G convinced him that they should check my office before heading to the police station since he has an access card to get into the building. A picked G up on the way.

And so it was that I found a sleep groggy me staring into Giri's face as he shook me awake. He must have been relieved, which means he must have been worried prior... because next I knew, he was planting soft kisses all over my face with a couple of "thank Gods" here and there. I'm typically pretty slow to become fully concious after I am awakened at 2:00 AM. And so without quiet thinking about it, I did what I do when I am kissed. I kissed back. Sometime later we both came to what was happening and broke apart.. I hurried out with G following. Anish was waiting in the car. I profusely apologized.. I thought he'd be livid, now that it was plain that I wasn't in any danger.. just been irresponsible. But he held me tightly listening to the explanations with closed eyes. Giri offered to drive up to his house. Anish and I rode at the back of our car while I rested my head against him. I heard G calling S on the phone.

We have been avoiding each other discreetly since, or, at least I have been avoiding him. He did not seek me out. Today I got a call from Seema. Its G's birthday. She's planning to have a couple of us over. My task was to keep Giri from going home until about 7:00. I couldn't find any excuse to refuse. She also said she had already spoken with Anish and A will go to Seema's directly from work.. she had some stuff for him to help with. Around 4:00, I gingerly went to G's cube and asked when he was planning to leave. He gave me the single eyebrow. I said I needed a ride home. Great line! Seeing as I was trying to avoid being alone with him and live only about 20 minutes away .. how was that going to solve delay up to 7:00! And not to mention my own car sitting in the company parking lot.. but G didn't know that.. he did not ask me about my car. He just said he'd be ready to leave in another 20 minutes. "No rush, just whenever you are ready", I said lamely.

We didn't talk en route.. actually talked but the conversation did not pick up. When we reached home, I asked him to come in. Not, "Will you come in?" You see, I had no choice now.. Or, I could just tell him that his birthday party was planned, that he not please head home until 7:00. Perhaps in my situation, option 2 was better. I did not do it. I asked him to come in. And then offered him wine. As I am pouring a Merlot into his glass, he stands with his elbows on my kitchen counter and asked me, "what exactly is going on?" So I tell him, "Nothing, I thought we should talk.. on our own for a bit." He narrows his eyes, twists his lips, but says nothing.. he does not break eye contact as he sips his wine. I cant look away either.. I notice every move he makes with flicking his eyes, or darting out his tongue to wet his lips. Next he says, "When is Anish due back?" I was supposed to say I dont know. I said instead, "not until later, past 7". Vah! And then I have this curious desire to giggle.. I am not good with controlling giggles. G's lips curve and he says, "Are we talking until then?" I said, "Yes, sort of. Unless you want to watch a movie?" Privately, I am astounded that I am considered above average intelligent! Where exactly am I going with this.. .think, I willed myself silently!! "We could do other things.. innnn an hour and a half" he said checking his watch." My heart was pounding and I wondered he couldn't hear it. He said, lets go walk on the beach and we can catch the sun set...

I changed into jeans and a red sleeveless collared blouse that I was saving for some special occasion. I am happy to count today as one. I also put jewelery, a bit of makeup, and a multi colored knitted stole around my neck.. I put on red sandals and received a single eyebrow.. I discerned approval of sorts in them this time. We went to the shore-front and walked on the paved path bordering around it.. I dont know what it is about guilt. It smothers you just as suddenly as it can evaporate. I felt purged with that walk.. exercise is a good way of getting things off your mind. Where G is concerned, I am loathe to introspect too much. I am scared to find something that I cant walk back from...