Monday, May 31, 2010

Take my hand: Then and now...

Continued from
Take my hand: Sunday edition

Seema was wearing a pair of gold hoop earings today. The earrings had been a gift from Ashfaque, her ex fiancé (see Laundry Lunch). Seema discovered the earrings this morning while going through an old purse. As she held it, she couldn't stop herself from recalling that Ashfaque had licked her ears when he put them on for her, one by one, in turn.. After their breakup, Seema had painstakingly returned all gifts she'd ever received from him.. categorized and discarded items that reminded her of him.. how does one close the chapter on 6 years of one's life? These earrings had escaped her. She decided, what the heck, she'd wear it!

No matter how determined you are to start afresh, its hard to neatly tuck all the memories away. And what is worse is that good memories have a tendency to linger.. while bad ones fade with time. A year and a half ago, when she'd broken her engagement, she was furious and strong... now all that remained was a sense of desolation, futility.. and Ashfaque did love her.. parts of her felt guilty for having perhaps misunderstood him; for perhaps having given him wrong signals about what she would and would not stand.

Seema met Ashfaque the other day on google chat. That ID had not come alive in so long that she'd forgotten it was there. When the "hi" popped up, it had seemed childish to refuse to answer. Ashfaque has a son now, Yarek, from his first wife... he sent her his photographs. The kid inherited distinct features from his father.. On that picture, only the innocent sweetness came through.. Seema had felt a tug at her heart and her eyes had clouded with unreasonable tears... Later, it seemed pointless to share this with Giri! G came home with a flu. He decided to sleep separately in the guest room so S wouldn't catch it. Seema cried some more in her empty bed that night.

G took the stance that marriage was a partnership. How many men truly did that? Seema supposed she was lucky. When G'd agreed to marry her, she'd thought him to be a "I'll take care of you" kind of a guy. G was not that person. G expected her to hold her own. He didn't molly coddle his mother either. S wasn't sure if she truly enjoyed this latitude or felt neglected by it. She was used to assertive male figures. Ashfaque for example, had always maintained a principal partner presence. Giri was very hands off.. It made Seema wonder if G was truly devoted to her, or still hesitant.