Sunday, May 09, 2010

Take my hand: hasta mañana

I'm taking a mini vacation on the beach today... to deal with stuff in my brain! I'd put on moderately flattering swimming gear that was a huge find from forever 21.. Three hours of disciplined foraging and here was this orange and gray and white creation, not too clingy and enough skin to firm up even the lowest of self esteems. I've painted my nails with orange lacquer. I've lapped on sunscreen till I am slimy with the stuff. I lay on a straw mat under a brilliantly colored umbrella. The considerable difficulty dragging all of this over the hilly pathway leading to the beach, was so worth it. I am in heaven. The warmth is just right and the breeze is not too cool and not too strong. I closed my eyes and let the sound of the waves and the laughter from the kids fill my mind..

Giri and I had been close friends in school. Until puberty got in the way and turned innocent laughter into deep sighs and unfamiliar longing. I met him yesterday at a party with his newly wedded wife, Seema. It was an interesting encounter. We recognized each other but pretended not to. But we smiled longer than new acquaintances would at each other. I wonder if anyone noticed. Last we met, we did not part on good terms. But that was sooo long ago. It did not matter. He looked good. He looked mature and kind and the kind of wonderful husband material I always knew he could be. I wonder what sort of a couple we would have made. I'd spurned him and hoped he would come after, which he did not. My ego was bruised and we battled our wills about who would make up. When you are buddies its easy to say sorry. When you are sweethearts its a much tougher deal. Giri's wandering hands and inexperienced kisses infuriated me and yet made me yearn for them like there was no tomorrow. He would smell garlicky.. I remembered... yuck! But he smelled Old Spice now.. how quaint and sweet! ooofff.. what the hell am I thinking!!!

Why think of this on my lovely getaway on the beach!!! I wondered what Anish, my husband would think if he knew about these sporadic men friends from my past.. I and my closest girl friends, ones who could make a living out of blackmailing me, often have this argument. Why didn't you come clean before you married the man? I still dont see why one needs to. I maintain its hardly disloyalty! We both had a life before we met. These incidents and people were never relevant to the me that fell in love with Anish. What would be the point in Anish's knowing about these? Can one really ever share all of oneself? I think its almost insulting. Personal space is a human need. Not even marriages should violate that.

Giri called me this morning... early. I get up way before Anish on Sundays. Giri knew I used to be an early riser. We'd gone for so many morning walks together. Walking weird places in early dawn... we'd end it with a tea served in earthen pots from a particular roadside chai place.... I dont know how he got my number. I did not ask. We chatted about this and that... time flew. Before I knew it, I promised to meet him for lunch for tomorrow. And now, I am now going crazy trying to break this to Anish or, turn Giri down. I dont know what to do. why cant I take this casually. I haven't told Anish, I knew Giri from before. Now, how can I tell him I am going to lunch with someone I met yesterday!! Oh, this is absolutely crazy! The things I get into. At the same time, I also feel a bit rebellious. I can choose to go for a clandestine lunch. Is that a sin? Why does my husband need updates from my daily calendar! Its preposterous. Its not as if I am having an affair, I am going for lunch!!!

Seema and Giri came together! What a let down! I could scream and claw at him. I spent 40 minutes choosing today's outfit to work and my ex, if even that, comes with his wife. I could read the amusement in his eyes. We could always read each other so easily. I tried my best to act naturally and answer inquiries on where I bought my skirt to Seema. Giri spoke little and very correctly. Damn him. I shall have my revenge. Apparently Seema thought Anish and I were supposed to be together too! Really? The rogue man. My husband works on opposite side of the town. How were we going to come to lunch together? And why on earth would we choose to do that with Giri and Seema on a Monday afternoon! I had blocked my calendar from 12:00 to 3:00. I got up at 1:00 sharp and hurried out! It was unbearable. Anish, darling, wake up and rescue me. This is preposterous!!! Midlife crisis at our door? Please unclog your ears. Your wife is going crazy and will stray if you do not hear the alarm bells!